Thursday, October 31, 2013

Gabriel's Inferno Ch 1: Julia Mitchell might have PTSD

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess....just kidding she's a poor college student. Lol, can you imagine Princess Jasmine slumming it with peasants in Econ? Didn't think so. But speaking of peasants, the book opens with our resident heroine, Julia Mitchell, spacing out in class and being verbally bitch slapped by her professor for doing so.

Our literary hero, Professor Gabrielle Emerson, captures Julia's attention by saying such gems as:

I expect an answer to my question, Miss Mitchell, If you'd care to join us.” His voice was glacial, like his eyes.

Is English your first language?” He mocked her.

Since Miss Mitchell seems to be carrying on in a parallel seminar in a different language, perhaps someone would be kind enough to answer my question?”
Wow. No wonder she has to have him. Don't be ashamed if your clothes fell off reading that dialogue guys. I usually need to leave the room when someone starts talking to me like trash. Not because I'm humiliated or trying to keep from throwing my drink in their face, but because I need to find a pair of replacement pants for the ones that just mysteriously fell off my body.

Naturally, there's a token raven haired skank anxious to step in and answer whatever question the Professor asked. Based on the book's narration, the dark haired woman all but dry humps Emerson's leg while speaking in fluent Italian to answer him. Take note readers: that's how classy bitches do it – they speak a foreign language while marking their territory.

This seems oddly familiar:

                                            (dark haired women should be spayed...we get it)
Back to Julia, who creepily keeps being referred to as “rabbit”. I mean...this book is supposed to be erotic. I might be in the minority here, but reading a grown woman being called something as childlike as rabbit is like literary birth control for me. It makes me want to put more clothes on. I'm only on page nine and she's been called rabbit multiple times and seems to have the personality of a trauma survivor.

“The young woman opened her mouth minutely and closed it, staring into those unblinking blue eyes, her own eyes wide like a frightened rabbit”

“All eyes shifted back to the frightened rabbit, whose skin exploded into crimson as she ducked her head, finally escaping the professor's gaze.”

The frightened rabbit blinked back tears as she continued scribbling, but mercifully she did not cry.

...a small square of folded paper appeared on top of the frightened rabbit's Italian dictionary

I'm reading this book on my e-reader so there might be a page discrepancy if you have a paperback version, but on my version she's called rabbit four times on page nine alone. Plus, did she just get back from 'Nam or something? What is she so scared of? He's a dick professor, not a man wearing a hockey mask and carrying a machete on the prowl for topless co-eds.

Luckily for our gal Jules, the guy sitting next to her is a regulation hottie and he thinks she's having some kind of breakdown right there in front of him girlfriend material. Hottie's name is Paul and he takes pity on Jules by slipping her a note stating:

Emerson is an ass.

Julia reacts by flushing (two pink clouds on the curve of her cheek), by smiling (not enough to show teeth, though), and raising her large eyes shyly.

                                                (this is how I picture the look on Julia's face)

The Professor notices Julia isn't in a constant state of terror and calls on her again. Good thing Paul is there to save the day, because Bella Julia is too busy biting her lip to answer Emerson's question again. Julia is working on her master's degree mind you. I “get” being shy, but how did she survive earning her undergraduate degree if she has a coronary every time she's called on in class? MIT should be studying her because it's a miracle she's still alive at this point. See also: Xanax.

Julia Mitchell: college survivor.

The first chapter ends with “the frightened rabbit” (seriously...that's what she's called..again) trembling as the Professor orders her to see him in his office after class.

I would hope it's to give her a pamphlet on finding help for her obvious inability to cope with the outside world, but sadly I feel pretty confident it's just so he can emotionally break her down more. Who said romance was dead?

                                                 (Emma Pilsbury was not prepared for this)

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